Exemption/Confession of Love (8.14.12)

Can I be exempt from being a human being?

Disqualify me from this game please. Let me step out of the ring for just three minutes, three minutes of pure bliss. Let me out of this circus arena,
I want to go home.
I want out.
I want my mother,
my father,
and my sister too.
I want so much more than I can even say and it pains me to think that there’s a possibility that I may never have what I seek.
It kills me, this loneliness I feel as I go to sleep.

The mourning for a love lost, for one never to be attained.
The weeping of the poor, hungry and homeless that I will never be able to assuage.
The desperation in all the young peoples faces as they look for an example they can trust.
The pain in my heart as I whisper a song to myself to keep the doubting and critical voices at bay.
I just want to know that this world will be okay, that this place in my head will find rest, find solace, and find a home for its tired thoughts.
*****
I want to wake up where you are, and count the number of stars I see in your eyes- you, who links me to the explosions in my heart. It kills me to think that you think you will never get to rest your eyes upon me on person, that you may weep to yourself as I do to me, that you may long to hold me as much as I do for you. I would never wish this pain on anyone, this tortuous longing in my heart. The feelings run so deep, the love is so big, so strong. I feel it in my bones.
For whom is it if not for you? For me, I would think? For whom is it if not for God? For all of creation, for all of the moons, stars, planets, and Eco-systems of the universe…. I see these, and it is not them for which my heart sings, but for you— for in your eyes I see their totality and wholeness reflected. I could write for days and weeks to tell you of all the nuances and facets of beauty I see there… And all the stories of pain, insecurity, and mistrust too… It’s all a part of you, and I see that you too are the pearl of the universe… Formed by unfavorable circumstances, but a beautiful shining pearl no less! You are magnificent in your creation, infallible in your splendor, and indestructible in your stature. I love you, with my whole heart and soul, and I think that you might too. And that excites me. As a human, what else is important besides having the love of another?

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